It is a dark day out. According to weather.com we will be having a not so cheery New Year weather this weekend. Today cloudy and rainy. Tomorrow wintry mix to snow. Jan 1st, few snow showers.
A cloudy wet weather calls for a delicious hot cup of coffee and a moment of silent reflection.
I've been dreading this cheesy moment all week, but I suppose it is time to ponder on the year before I bid my goodbyes to 2010.
2010, no doubt was it a trivial year! I had no expectation whatsoever for this year and the year presented me with bountiful gifts in return. Here's my month to month summary:
January: Singing with MinOp, auditioning, constantly being rejected/ losing competitions, quit teaching through Along Came Music, worrying about the year 2010 and beyond, the singer in me was beginning to burn out.
February: Beginning to worry more about grad school
March: Worried ALOT about grad school. Unable to admit that I enjoy anything that had to do with singing.
April: Was glad to sing my final performance with MinOp, La Boheme. Became good friends with a wonderful soprano, Janalyn Bump. Wasted hundreds of dollars on applications for grad schools I was never interested in. At this point, I was sure I had to fly back to Malaysia temporarily.
May: Glad to be done with all of my singing gigs, competitions, auditions, and that stupid Along Came Music teaching company. Alec and I had our annual camping trip. This year, we headed towards the Porcupine Mountains in Michigan, where he surprised me with an engagement ring disguised as a granola bar that never did exist. I said yes...and from that moment on, my life has never been the same. Yes, I'll admit, this is cheesy. But I myself never knew that marriage could be so fun, fresh, adventurous, scandalous, passionate...everything but boring and safe. You see, growing up I had a misconception of what marriage should and shouldn't be. At some point in my teenage years, I was so opposed to marriage that I vowed to never be married for the rest of my life. And boy was I wrong about that.
Anyhow back to the month of May: As soon as I said yes, we began planning for our wedding.
June: More wedding planning and found out that Pa and Ma couldn't make it to our Civil Ceremony. Audrey's Summer 2010 Opera Workshop started, and it was the best I've ever felt about singing in the last couple years.
July: We had our civil ceremony on July 2nd, which made us the first couple to be married among our friends. It was an intimate, sweet and preciously small outdoor ceremony.
August: Began working on my green card applications.
September: We sent our applications and waited for the results. It was the longest 3 weeks ever.
October: Got my Work permit and began looking for a "real world" job. My instinct was to get a job at a coffee shop. I figured it would be easy since I've had so much experience as a barista. But I was wrong. With no word from any coffee shops I've applied to, I began searching for restaurants. I randomly walked in and asked for a job at a Thai restaurant a couple blocks away from our apartment. They weren't positive if they had any job openings, but they asked me to fill up an application anyways. A week later, I got a call back from them.
November: It was a good month. I became a hostess at Roat Osha, the “random” Thai restaurant and learned another handful of life lessons there. The number of students in my studio doubled it's size and I was finally able to pay for more voice lessons. I sang at the Met competition and grew from that experience as well. Also, did I mention about the green card approval?
December: Steady month. Keeping the inertia and enjoying the freedom of being in my 20s. Christmas came and spent a lot of time with my sister Catherine. Finally brought myself to T4C this past week. Healing the wounds that I've done to myself over the last couple years.
Oh great, the power's out in our apartment! I reckoned today's going to be a day of solitude. How suspiciously perfect...
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Strange Familiar Faces
Have you ever woke up to a dream so weird, it lingers in your mind for the rest of your morning?
Two nights ago, I had a vivid dream about zombies attack. It's not often I dream about monsters, zombies, possessed cars, dinosaurs...etc. but it is not surprising when I do.
Last night, I had another vivid dream. I was in the midst of a huge gathering of people I've known from all parts of my life. It was weird to see all of them together since they are so very different from each other. We were having very weird conversations with each other--conversations that had no relation to one another. It was a very disjointed gathering of people I know from different parts of my life.
Dreams. It's funny when they reveal things that seem like they're reality. I don't mind dreaming about zombies or sharks attacking, but it leaves a deep imprint in my mind when Elly, Douglas, Stephanie...Faces from my past show up among the faces I am now familiar to.
And then, it'll linger. With my curiosity aroused, I will begin asking "what if" questions all morning. Sometime during the day, I will be relieved by the fact that it WAS "just a dream" and my mind can finally return to my reality.
Here we go...
Two nights ago, I had a vivid dream about zombies attack. It's not often I dream about monsters, zombies, possessed cars, dinosaurs...etc. but it is not surprising when I do.
Last night, I had another vivid dream. I was in the midst of a huge gathering of people I've known from all parts of my life. It was weird to see all of them together since they are so very different from each other. We were having very weird conversations with each other--conversations that had no relation to one another. It was a very disjointed gathering of people I know from different parts of my life.
Dreams. It's funny when they reveal things that seem like they're reality. I don't mind dreaming about zombies or sharks attacking, but it leaves a deep imprint in my mind when Elly, Douglas, Stephanie...Faces from my past show up among the faces I am now familiar to.
And then, it'll linger. With my curiosity aroused, I will begin asking "what if" questions all morning. Sometime during the day, I will be relieved by the fact that it WAS "just a dream" and my mind can finally return to my reality.
Here we go...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Voice
I can't even begin to describe how singing makes me feel.
Every time the voice vibrates, I feel.
Every kind of emotion there is, I feel.
Like a small of drop of water,
it ripples my soul.
When Music rings in my ear, I feel.
The surge of emotions that I cannot hold back.
It's a wonderful thing to feel so much.
I use to get frustrated by it.
It use to be a curse,
But now I see and understand
knowing these emotions is a blessing in disguise.
I feel so much.
Every vibration around me affects me.
To know that there is a vibration in me,
makes the voice even more miraculous than it already is.
When I sing,
Not only am I surrounded by vibration,
I become one with the vibration.
I am the vibration.
Every time the voice vibrates, I feel.
Every kind of emotion there is, I feel.
Like a small of drop of water,
it ripples my soul.
When Music rings in my ear, I feel.
The surge of emotions that I cannot hold back.
It's a wonderful thing to feel so much.
I use to get frustrated by it.
It use to be a curse,
But now I see and understand
knowing these emotions is a blessing in disguise.
I feel so much.
Every vibration around me affects me.
To know that there is a vibration in me,
makes the voice even more miraculous than it already is.
When I sing,
Not only am I surrounded by vibration,
I become one with the vibration.
I am the vibration.
Friday, December 10, 2010
We all love you
"We all love you."
"I know..." (lies)
Alright, why did that "love" statement made me feel so awkward?
At times like this, it's hard to remember that there is so much love around me.
This week, I feel like a complete failure. Being the overachiever perfectionist that I am, I cannot bear the fact that I have not achieved anything in my singing ever since I've graduated from college.
With lips pursed, I ran through my list of self-help mantras.
"Easy does it." (uh-huh...)
"You know what you're doing." (No..not really)
"You're a wonderful singer." (hmmm...ok)
"You're doing all the right things." (Yea, not really workin')
Uff...currently, life feels tough. I knew singing great takes an awful lot of years of training. But going through those years with no sort of positive reinforcement depresses me.
In the Asian culture, typically for the Chinese, we strive for reinforcements to assure us of our "right-ness". (Oh, I can already hear Audrey yapping at me)
When you do it right, you get money, prizes, parties, praises, etc..
When you don't get money, prizes, parties or praises, I can almost guarantee, you've done something wrong.
So, alright, I may have done somethings...many things wrong. And I'm currently working my cute lil tush off to fix my mistakes. But really, some weeks are just a drag.
Every action I make frustrates me. Why can't I just do it right already, damnit!?
And to hear,
"We all love you, Evelyn." "You're taking all the right steps."
...it's just a lil' difficult to believe.
Along with the many years of training, great singing requires an awful lot of vulnerability. Learning to put aside your pride, and having the quality of persistence.
Being able to say,
"Yea, I may have no prize to show. But I have a talent that grows."
Now, nurturing your talents is the true challenge--not the competitions, not the jobs, not the roles. It's about letting your talents grow continuously and persistently.
Reaching the end line does not makes me a winner. What makes me a winner depends on how I get there.
"I know..." (lies)
Alright, why did that "love" statement made me feel so awkward?
At times like this, it's hard to remember that there is so much love around me.
This week, I feel like a complete failure. Being the overachiever perfectionist that I am, I cannot bear the fact that I have not achieved anything in my singing ever since I've graduated from college.
With lips pursed, I ran through my list of self-help mantras.
"Easy does it." (uh-huh...)
"You know what you're doing." (No..not really)
"You're a wonderful singer." (hmmm...ok)
"You're doing all the right things." (Yea, not really workin')
Uff...currently, life feels tough. I knew singing great takes an awful lot of years of training. But going through those years with no sort of positive reinforcement depresses me.
In the Asian culture, typically for the Chinese, we strive for reinforcements to assure us of our "right-ness". (Oh, I can already hear Audrey yapping at me)
When you do it right, you get money, prizes, parties, praises, etc..
When you don't get money, prizes, parties or praises, I can almost guarantee, you've done something wrong.
So, alright, I may have done somethings...many things wrong. And I'm currently working my cute lil tush off to fix my mistakes. But really, some weeks are just a drag.
Every action I make frustrates me. Why can't I just do it right already, damnit!?
And to hear,
"We all love you, Evelyn." "You're taking all the right steps."
...it's just a lil' difficult to believe.
Along with the many years of training, great singing requires an awful lot of vulnerability. Learning to put aside your pride, and having the quality of persistence.
Being able to say,
"Yea, I may have no prize to show. But I have a talent that grows."
Now, nurturing your talents is the true challenge--not the competitions, not the jobs, not the roles. It's about letting your talents grow continuously and persistently.
Reaching the end line does not makes me a winner. What makes me a winner depends on how I get there.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Struggling for a Decision
Today I feel like I'm on both sides of a see-saw.
A never ending back and forth. Up and down.
Decide already, Evelyn!
=) When I struggle, I know I'm going through another growth spurt.
Despite the discomfort, growing up is actually fun!
I'm just beginning to see how passive I am about so many decisions I make.
I would just like to see myself being more aggressive and confident. After all, that is who I am.
I despise passive aggression. It raises the hair at the back of my neck. It frustrates me. And the worst of it is when I see myself being that way.
So, I'm gonna stop blogging about how much I wish to be decisive and confident. And actually get something done.
Back to singing an old friend.
"Liebst du um Schonheit"
Look it up. It's quite good.
A never ending back and forth. Up and down.
Decide already, Evelyn!
=) When I struggle, I know I'm going through another growth spurt.
Despite the discomfort, growing up is actually fun!
I'm just beginning to see how passive I am about so many decisions I make.
I would just like to see myself being more aggressive and confident. After all, that is who I am.
I despise passive aggression. It raises the hair at the back of my neck. It frustrates me. And the worst of it is when I see myself being that way.
So, I'm gonna stop blogging about how much I wish to be decisive and confident. And actually get something done.
Back to singing an old friend.
"Liebst du um Schonheit"
Look it up. It's quite good.
Friday, December 3, 2010
On the Contrary
It's amazing the comfort you'll find in a cup of hot beverage on a cold winter day.
It takes away the struggle and the chill in your body.
Everything silences in that one sip.
Jasmine tea, one of my favorites.
It makes me feel like I'm sipping on a cup of flowers.
Just simply exquisite.
I may be a little crazy.
Giving this much credit to this simple cup of tea.
But it truly is a gift.
The thoughts that are crammed in my head
the noises, they can all wait
As of this moment,
I am simply enjoying my cup of hot jasmine tea.
It takes away the struggle and the chill in your body.
Everything silences in that one sip.
Jasmine tea, one of my favorites.
It makes me feel like I'm sipping on a cup of flowers.
Just simply exquisite.
I may be a little crazy.
Giving this much credit to this simple cup of tea.
But it truly is a gift.
The thoughts that are crammed in my head
the noises, they can all wait
As of this moment,
I am simply enjoying my cup of hot jasmine tea.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
The Big deal of Christmas
I was at church this morning and the pastor preached about Christmas.
"The meaning of Christmas has become warped, commercialized, and economically biased over the years." We have forgotten the very essence of why Christmas is here.
Christmas is suppose to be a reminder of our wait for the Messiah.
What does that mean? To wait on Christ?
I guess it's hard to understand since I have not lived the years before Christ came.
Reading from the Scripture, waiting on the Messiah has been a prolonged mission.
Christ came and showed that He is the Messiah. He's here, finally! After all those years, the wait it over. And yet, there were witnesses--who saw Him, His action, and His miracles with their own eyes, who entirely rejected Christ. They continuously tested Him and accused Him for blasphemy.
How would I have reacted to Christ?
Would I have believed that He's the Messiah? He's the BIG deal?
Or would I have completely missed the picture?
And join the priests in stoning Him?
I don't know. I have been waiting for the Messiah for a while..
I have suffered quite enough, so have my mother and father and my great great great grandparents...
Would I believe that this is it?
This man...is my Savior?
"If You are the Messiah, tell us plainly."
He said, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father’s name testify about me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
If I do not the works of my Father, believe me not.
But if I do them, though ye believe not me, believe the works: that ye may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father."
Over the years, it's becoming clearer to me what it means to follow Christ.
Christianity is not a stereotype, it's a way of life.
It's not about what we say and who we appear to be,
it's about what we do and how we live our lives.
What does it mean to wait on Christ?
It means that we need Him.
What is Christmas?
It is a celebration and testimony of having Christ in our lives.
Although presents and surprises are my favorite things in life, they are not Christmas priorities. Time to get ready to celebrate Christ's arrival!
"The meaning of Christmas has become warped, commercialized, and economically biased over the years." We have forgotten the very essence of why Christmas is here.
Christmas is suppose to be a reminder of our wait for the Messiah.
What does that mean? To wait on Christ?
I guess it's hard to understand since I have not lived the years before Christ came.
Reading from the Scripture, waiting on the Messiah has been a prolonged mission.
Christ came and showed that He is the Messiah. He's here, finally! After all those years, the wait it over. And yet, there were witnesses--who saw Him, His action, and His miracles with their own eyes, who entirely rejected Christ. They continuously tested Him and accused Him for blasphemy.
How would I have reacted to Christ?
Would I have believed that He's the Messiah? He's the BIG deal?
Or would I have completely missed the picture?
And join the priests in stoning Him?
I don't know. I have been waiting for the Messiah for a while..
I have suffered quite enough, so have my mother and father and my great great great grandparents...
Would I believe that this is it?
This man...is my Savior?
"If You are the Messiah, tell us plainly."
He said, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father’s name testify about me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
If I do not the works of my Father, believe me not.
But if I do them, though ye believe not me, believe the works: that ye may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father."
Over the years, it's becoming clearer to me what it means to follow Christ.
Christianity is not a stereotype, it's a way of life.
It's not about what we say and who we appear to be,
it's about what we do and how we live our lives.
What does it mean to wait on Christ?
It means that we need Him.
What is Christmas?
It is a celebration and testimony of having Christ in our lives.
Although presents and surprises are my favorite things in life, they are not Christmas priorities. Time to get ready to celebrate Christ's arrival!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
When will my rose bush bud?
Another mountain conquered.
No, I did not win anything. But I learned so much from this experience.
There were 2 judges. One was full of encouragements and the other I wished his face melted along with that piece of skin that's falling off of his forehead and that giant pimple on his nose.
Coming from Minnesota, this is my first time dealing with an asshole (please excuse my language) who's completely comfortable being one.
Oh, how he watched me as he said one mean thing after another.
Oh, how he watched the dreams of a 23 year old soprano crumble in those few minutes.
He enjoyed it. I can only imagine what life is like to be a complete bitch and asshole to every living thing around you.
AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!
On the truly brighter note, the good witch was really watching out for me that afternoon. Thank God I had a word with her before the bad scene happened.
She thought that I had a bright future ahead of me.
She was not very fond of my musical choices. But she enjoyed watching me on stage.
Most importantly, she thought I deserved the encouragement award. Then, she leaned forward and whispered "I fought with the other judge for you backstage".
Breaking boundaries to cheer me on? Cool! Yes, please. I'll take more of that. That truly was encouraging. I don't need the $500.
Although I was briefly hurt by the wicked scrawny shrimp, I saw through that jerk and believed in what I know to be true.
I sing because I love to sing. Yea you may have more power than I'll probably ever have in the Opera business but I have a dream, I'm still young, I'm pretty damn good looking, and most of all, I am talented.
I know this because I know...:) and I have kind people that are willing to encourage me even when I'm at my worse.
I know I've said this many times in my previous posts, but it's just so true I can't help it:
My God is on my side. You bitter shrimps can just move aside coz greatness is on its way.
No, I did not win anything. But I learned so much from this experience.
There were 2 judges. One was full of encouragements and the other I wished his face melted along with that piece of skin that's falling off of his forehead and that giant pimple on his nose.
Coming from Minnesota, this is my first time dealing with an asshole (please excuse my language) who's completely comfortable being one.
Oh, how he watched me as he said one mean thing after another.
Oh, how he watched the dreams of a 23 year old soprano crumble in those few minutes.
He enjoyed it. I can only imagine what life is like to be a complete bitch and asshole to every living thing around you.
AAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!
On the truly brighter note, the good witch was really watching out for me that afternoon. Thank God I had a word with her before the bad scene happened.
She thought that I had a bright future ahead of me.
She was not very fond of my musical choices. But she enjoyed watching me on stage.
Most importantly, she thought I deserved the encouragement award. Then, she leaned forward and whispered "I fought with the other judge for you backstage".
Breaking boundaries to cheer me on? Cool! Yes, please. I'll take more of that. That truly was encouraging. I don't need the $500.
Although I was briefly hurt by the wicked scrawny shrimp, I saw through that jerk and believed in what I know to be true.
I sing because I love to sing. Yea you may have more power than I'll probably ever have in the Opera business but I have a dream, I'm still young, I'm pretty damn good looking, and most of all, I am talented.
I know this because I know...:) and I have kind people that are willing to encourage me even when I'm at my worse.
I know I've said this many times in my previous posts, but it's just so true I can't help it:
My God is on my side. You bitter shrimps can just move aside coz greatness is on its way.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
There is No Fear in Love
Part of the reason I dedicated the previous post to the word "fear"
is because there is fear in me.
I cannot even begin to tell you how afraid I am to go on that stage in Ordway this Saturday.
I wet myself every time I think about it.
This morning, I had a wonderful conversation with Pa and Ma.
I described to them
the dialogues that have been going on in my head...
How they have been dragging me down.
We came to realize that I've forgotten
how much I love to sing.
How can I forget something so simple?
When I forget,
I revert back to fear.
Fear becomes an excuse,
because in this world,
it's easier to fear.
It's not that I want to fear,
it's just
Easier to be the victim,
easier to not have to decide,
and easier to give over your power
to that person, or that teacher,
or that lover, or that accompanist
or that friend...etc.
Well, guess what?
It's my life.
Live now or never.
No one else living my life
but myself.
You know what I mean?
Then, Pa said something
something so powerful I'm blogging about it.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
You know how people talk about gifts and talents?
That's what singing is to me.
It literally is a gift from God.
In my Freshman year of college,
I auditioned for choir
without any knowledge that I can sing.
Then, God gave me a scholarship
to lead me to become a singer.
In Sophomore year of college,
I was molested by my piano teacher,
Just when I lost all joy in Music,
He sent me a talented and most loving voice teacher.
Junior year, I had a successful recital,
I got into the final round for S. Club.
Senior year, He gave me a full ride scholarship.
Fear=Punishment?
It's true.
When we fear,
I feel like I don't deserve anything good.
Bad things always happen,
and life becomes too tough to handle.
Disappointments, regrets, failures
We constantly punish ourselves in fear.
Despite the many times I forgot His love for me,
I continued singing,
He guided me through the muck in my life
while I complained and whined about how difficult life is.
And life can be tough,
But in His perfect Love,
there is no need to fear life.
He's made us to live
and has given us free will--
the choice to live
and the choice to love Him
because He loves us.
is because there is fear in me.
I cannot even begin to tell you how afraid I am to go on that stage in Ordway this Saturday.
I wet myself every time I think about it.
This morning, I had a wonderful conversation with Pa and Ma.
I described to them
the dialogues that have been going on in my head...
How they have been dragging me down.
We came to realize that I've forgotten
how much I love to sing.
How can I forget something so simple?
When I forget,
I revert back to fear.
Fear becomes an excuse,
because in this world,
it's easier to fear.
It's not that I want to fear,
it's just
Easier to be the victim,
easier to not have to decide,
and easier to give over your power
to that person, or that teacher,
or that lover, or that accompanist
or that friend...etc.
Well, guess what?
It's my life.
Live now or never.
No one else living my life
but myself.
You know what I mean?
Then, Pa said something
something so powerful I'm blogging about it.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
You know how people talk about gifts and talents?
That's what singing is to me.
It literally is a gift from God.
In my Freshman year of college,
I auditioned for choir
without any knowledge that I can sing.
Then, God gave me a scholarship
to lead me to become a singer.
In Sophomore year of college,
I was molested by my piano teacher,
Just when I lost all joy in Music,
He sent me a talented and most loving voice teacher.
Junior year, I had a successful recital,
I got into the final round for S. Club.
Senior year, He gave me a full ride scholarship.
Fear=Punishment?
It's true.
When we fear,
I feel like I don't deserve anything good.
Bad things always happen,
and life becomes too tough to handle.
Disappointments, regrets, failures
We constantly punish ourselves in fear.
Despite the many times I forgot His love for me,
I continued singing,
He guided me through the muck in my life
while I complained and whined about how difficult life is.
And life can be tough,
But in His perfect Love,
there is no need to fear life.
He's made us to live
and has given us free will--
the choice to live
and the choice to love Him
because He loves us.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Fear is the Mind Killer
Fear is in all of us
Fear is an act of survival,
To ignore fear is foolish.
It is easy to do so.
So easy, you'd like to do that for the rest of your life.
But fear will always be there.
And it will forever linger in you
And gradually destroy your mind
If you ignore it.
Do not ignore it
Let it pass through your mind and body,
Touch it, feel it...
Before you know it,
it'll disperse.
Do not be deceived by it's monstrous face
Face your fear
You will see that your dream will survive
You will survive.
Your God will not betray you.
You have been given a dream
A dream that is worth living for.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Fear the Creator, not His creations.
Fear is an act of survival,
To ignore fear is foolish.
It is easy to do so.
So easy, you'd like to do that for the rest of your life.
But fear will always be there.
And it will forever linger in you
And gradually destroy your mind
If you ignore it.
Do not ignore it
Let it pass through your mind and body,
Touch it, feel it...
Before you know it,
it'll disperse.
Do not be deceived by it's monstrous face
Face your fear
You will see that your dream will survive
You will survive.
Your God will not betray you.
You have been given a dream
A dream that is worth living for.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Fear the Creator, not His creations.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Defeated by Me, Freed in Christ
I had a rough night with my new hostessing job and I lost sleep from being too upset.
I've always wondered why our world is so driven by the dollar.
Before this job, I never knew that tiny things like..not having the tables in your section seated, or the tips from serving a group of 11 or who's serving more tables or who gets to handle the most take out for the sake of cashing in the most tips were things to complain and fight over. Sound! Noises! Nonsense! Bitter words that gave me headaches.
It was probably easiest for me to say:
I hate this damn place. All these noises. Screw it, I'm leaving! It's not right for me.
However,
To leave is to blindfold myself from my world.
To leave is to not just draw the line, but to build a wall between me and the world.
To leave is not reaching out.
To leave is denial. Denying the world and myself. I am a part of the world whether I like it or not.
To leave is to not love others--my neighbors, the strangers that I'd only meet once in my life.
To leave is to give in to the power of what money seemingly has.
To leave is not growing up.
To leave is forgetting the bigger picture.
It is just a restaurant after all.
To leave is just not possible.
I guess I was hurt,
I was sad.
My eyes were opened,
I was seeing the dark side
That I've refused to see...
Our world is broken.
We are such imperfect creatures,
born into suffering,
On the watch for imperfections,
Arguments,
Petty dramas,
We defeat ourselves all the time...
All the time.
but Christ has freed us.
God showed us His way
To stop our sufferings in Him.
We have Hope.
No, I am not intimidated by you world!
For I am not serving you,
I serve my Lord,
The Creator of you and the rest of the universe
with all my heart, soul and mind.
My soul knows Him
And He knows my soul.
He gives me rest.
My source of strength and courage
is greater than life.
How beautiful and sweet,
Liberating and joyous.
There. I've made my statement. Voices you may stop now.
In Christ, I am no longer defeated.
In Christ, my adventure proceeds.
In Christ, I will reach my dreams.
Losing sleep over this was definitely not worth it.
Ha, petty arguments in my head!
You were such a waste of time.
I've always wondered why our world is so driven by the dollar.
Before this job, I never knew that tiny things like..not having the tables in your section seated, or the tips from serving a group of 11 or who's serving more tables or who gets to handle the most take out for the sake of cashing in the most tips were things to complain and fight over. Sound! Noises! Nonsense! Bitter words that gave me headaches.
It was probably easiest for me to say:
I hate this damn place. All these noises. Screw it, I'm leaving! It's not right for me.
However,
To leave is to blindfold myself from my world.
To leave is to not just draw the line, but to build a wall between me and the world.
To leave is not reaching out.
To leave is denial. Denying the world and myself. I am a part of the world whether I like it or not.
To leave is to not love others--my neighbors, the strangers that I'd only meet once in my life.
To leave is to give in to the power of what money seemingly has.
To leave is not growing up.
To leave is forgetting the bigger picture.
It is just a restaurant after all.
To leave is just not possible.
I guess I was hurt,
I was sad.
My eyes were opened,
I was seeing the dark side
That I've refused to see...
Our world is broken.
We are such imperfect creatures,
born into suffering,
On the watch for imperfections,
Arguments,
Petty dramas,
We defeat ourselves all the time...
All the time.
but Christ has freed us.
God showed us His way
To stop our sufferings in Him.
We have Hope.
No, I am not intimidated by you world!
For I am not serving you,
I serve my Lord,
The Creator of you and the rest of the universe
with all my heart, soul and mind.
My soul knows Him
And He knows my soul.
He gives me rest.
My source of strength and courage
is greater than life.
How beautiful and sweet,
Liberating and joyous.
There. I've made my statement. Voices you may stop now.
In Christ, I am no longer defeated.
In Christ, my adventure proceeds.
In Christ, I will reach my dreams.
Losing sleep over this was definitely not worth it.
Ha, petty arguments in my head!
You were such a waste of time.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Trash for the Brainssss
1. TV Reality Shows
2. Facebook
3. Celebrity Magazines
Yes, I know they're such a waste of time. But they're so fun and entertaining and just useless. It's such a curse. It tempts you with the sparks and beauty of entertainment, but it leaves you with this dry, numb and "oh, there goes my day living vicariously through that actress or model or housewife or dog or etc.!" feeling.
And then you begin to realize that that model friend of a friend of a friend of yours has no idea who you are because you're so not the kind of person they'll ever meet and they're just so not you and they're half a world away from you.
So, you just spent half an hour of your life doing an intensive "networking" or "studying" or "researching" on a person that you have no relation to.
And then you somehow convince yourself that it would only make sense to ramble about the time you've wasted on your blog that anyone hardly comes to read.
Oh my goodness...my life is SAD!
On a happier note, I'm starting my new job today. YAY!
Another new adventure starting this week: Studying my very first opera role. Susanna from Le Nozze di Figaro.
Alright, I think I'm ready to live a productive day today.
2. Facebook
3. Celebrity Magazines
Yes, I know they're such a waste of time. But they're so fun and entertaining and just useless. It's such a curse. It tempts you with the sparks and beauty of entertainment, but it leaves you with this dry, numb and "oh, there goes my day living vicariously through that actress or model or housewife or dog or etc.!" feeling.
And then you begin to realize that that model friend of a friend of a friend of yours has no idea who you are because you're so not the kind of person they'll ever meet and they're just so not you and they're half a world away from you.
So, you just spent half an hour of your life doing an intensive "networking" or "studying" or "researching" on a person that you have no relation to.
And then you somehow convince yourself that it would only make sense to ramble about the time you've wasted on your blog that anyone hardly comes to read.
Oh my goodness...my life is SAD!
On a happier note, I'm starting my new job today. YAY!
Another new adventure starting this week: Studying my very first opera role. Susanna from Le Nozze di Figaro.
Alright, I think I'm ready to live a productive day today.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
New Beginnings
My life is taking a huge transformation right now.
I think it has been for these last couple months,
but I've been too busy to see it.
Through many prayers and hard work,
I've finally got a job.
Besides that,
4 new students have recently enrolled into my studio.
BUT,
most importantly,
the green card has arrived.
Surprisingly, the card is GREEN.
Attention everyone, the card has finally reverted back to green, it's original color! WOO HOO!!!!
Why wouldn't it be green? It is such a refreshing color.
And green means go after all! ^^
The government was so kind to approve my green card
they actually sent me a welcome letter.
Happy week. Thank God for the wonderful doors that He has opened for me.
All I can do is to rejoice in the power of my God.
All things are possible.
I would like to take this time to quote one of my favorite Sunday School songs from back when I was but a little chubby child:
"My God is so big,
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God can't do. FOR YOU! (thanks jie shin)"
Cheers to new beginnings.
May our lives be filled with more surprises and may we never cease to taste, thirst and hunger for more of God's glory.
I think it has been for these last couple months,
but I've been too busy to see it.
Through many prayers and hard work,
I've finally got a job.
Besides that,
4 new students have recently enrolled into my studio.
BUT,
most importantly,
the green card has arrived.
Surprisingly, the card is GREEN.
Attention everyone, the card has finally reverted back to green, it's original color! WOO HOO!!!!
Why wouldn't it be green? It is such a refreshing color.
And green means go after all! ^^
The government was so kind to approve my green card
they actually sent me a welcome letter.
Happy week. Thank God for the wonderful doors that He has opened for me.
All I can do is to rejoice in the power of my God.
All things are possible.
I would like to take this time to quote one of my favorite Sunday School songs from back when I was but a little chubby child:
"My God is so big,
So strong and so mighty,
There's nothing my God can't do. FOR YOU! (thanks jie shin)"
Cheers to new beginnings.
May our lives be filled with more surprises and may we never cease to taste, thirst and hunger for more of God's glory.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Odd Vibe
I've been feeling a little off tonight.
So, I decided to serenade myself to this beautiful duet from Pearl Fishers.
Opera is a very very beautiful creation.
It's odd, weird, comical, serious, sad, happy, lustful, passionate, silly...basically a form of art that best describes all parts humanity.
Gorgeous...just so gorgeous. I've never heard anything more beautiful, more pure, more exquisite than an honest operatic performance.
Thank you Björling and thank you Merrill for sharing a part of you with us.
Now I can sleep tight...(:
Friday, October 22, 2010
My Poison Aria
Piece: Poison Aria by Charles Gounod from Romeo et Juliette
Time span of study: 2 years
Two years=Lotsa work done on this piece
And yet, I still feel like I was missing a very huge "something" about that piece.
As I pondered on this with Audrey,
it came to me...
The best arts I've ever seen in my life
are the ones that give a new spin--the artists' new spin to traditions.
There two things that are involved in the creation of good arts:
1. The art form
2. The artist
In opera's case, it'd be:
1. The music
2. The singer
What I lack (disclaimer: I'm a work in progress. I have a lot of lacks)...
BUT, what I lack is in number 2.
I've spent 2 years studying, observing and perfecting my technique--perfecting the number 1.
It's hard work, and it's so tempting to want to dwell in the hard work I've put in.
But dwelling in your hard work is listening to your ego speaking.
This previous year, I felt stuck in alot of my music--especially in this piece.
Then it dawned on me...
There's a tiny switch that can shine a whole new light to my singing.
And that light is me.
How do I feel about the music?
What does the passages makes me want to do?
How honest can I be?
How real can I be?
Do I believe in what I am singing?
That word "mais" in that chord...
what does it actually mean?
How does the dagger look like?
Where's Tybalt?
Who's Tybalt?
What colors would I use for those phrases?
What spin will I give for this piece that's been done hundreds of times by other singers?
Then, I had a light bulb moment.
Not one person is a carbon copy of another.
Every singer has his/her own voice.
And you always sing on your own voice.
Why?
Because you have your own voice.
You have your own soul.
You have your own personality.
You have your own brain.
You have your own body.
We've heard this many times, but it won't make sense till we have our light bulb moments.
We are not made to be robots and clones.
Sure, opera is an old art form.
It's been done SOOO many times by SOOO many singers in SOOO many years.
There are traditions that singers must know and follow.
But, the great artists never sing like anyone else but themselves.
Be true to yourself. You know who you are and you know how to be yourself.
Stop trying to tell others how to be themselves.
Stop trying to figure things out.
Just start being.
Time span of study: 2 years
Two years=Lotsa work done on this piece
And yet, I still feel like I was missing a very huge "something" about that piece.
As I pondered on this with Audrey,
it came to me...
The best arts I've ever seen in my life
are the ones that give a new spin--the artists' new spin to traditions.
There two things that are involved in the creation of good arts:
1. The art form
2. The artist
In opera's case, it'd be:
1. The music
2. The singer
What I lack (disclaimer: I'm a work in progress. I have a lot of lacks)...
BUT, what I lack is in number 2.
I've spent 2 years studying, observing and perfecting my technique--perfecting the number 1.
It's hard work, and it's so tempting to want to dwell in the hard work I've put in.
But dwelling in your hard work is listening to your ego speaking.
This previous year, I felt stuck in alot of my music--especially in this piece.
Then it dawned on me...
There's a tiny switch that can shine a whole new light to my singing.
And that light is me.
How do I feel about the music?
What does the passages makes me want to do?
How honest can I be?
How real can I be?
Do I believe in what I am singing?
That word "mais" in that chord...
what does it actually mean?
How does the dagger look like?
Where's Tybalt?
Who's Tybalt?
What colors would I use for those phrases?
What spin will I give for this piece that's been done hundreds of times by other singers?
Then, I had a light bulb moment.
Not one person is a carbon copy of another.
Every singer has his/her own voice.
And you always sing on your own voice.
Why?
Because you have your own voice.
You have your own soul.
You have your own personality.
You have your own brain.
You have your own body.
We've heard this many times, but it won't make sense till we have our light bulb moments.
We are not made to be robots and clones.
Sure, opera is an old art form.
It's been done SOOO many times by SOOO many singers in SOOO many years.
There are traditions that singers must know and follow.
But, the great artists never sing like anyone else but themselves.
Be true to yourself. You know who you are and you know how to be yourself.
Stop trying to tell others how to be themselves.
Stop trying to figure things out.
Just start being.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Eager
Eagerly waiting for a reply.
Why have I not been assigned a time yet? Haven't I sent in the application about 2 weeks ago now?
Ah, the life of a working artist! Constantly waiting for a door to open. It's no wonder why so many artists give up.
Artists are stubborn creatures. It takes a lot to see one give up.
But yet there are so many of them--
Most of them in fact are done searching.
It's no wonder.
I wonder, are there really too many of us? Too many for the world?
I have yet done anything for the opera world,
and I'm already struggling.
Oh, but boy do I want it bad??!! I do, I do, I do.
And I dream, I dream, I dream. (:
Stubborn yet impatient.
Stubborn to change, yet impatient for harvest.
It's really not that bad.
The wait is painful because I want to sing real badly.
But life really is not that bad.
I can sing anywhere I want to.
And when I keep my eyes on my dream--
my Source of strength,
Everything becomes easier
Then, my world and I,
we dance in harmony...
Stay strong and have faith.
That's my mantra for today. And maybe for the rest of my life.
Why have I not been assigned a time yet? Haven't I sent in the application about 2 weeks ago now?
Ah, the life of a working artist! Constantly waiting for a door to open. It's no wonder why so many artists give up.
Artists are stubborn creatures. It takes a lot to see one give up.
But yet there are so many of them--
Most of them in fact are done searching.
It's no wonder.
I wonder, are there really too many of us? Too many for the world?
I have yet done anything for the opera world,
and I'm already struggling.
Oh, but boy do I want it bad??!! I do, I do, I do.
And I dream, I dream, I dream. (:
Stubborn yet impatient.
Stubborn to change, yet impatient for harvest.
It's really not that bad.
The wait is painful because I want to sing real badly.
But life really is not that bad.
I can sing anywhere I want to.
And when I keep my eyes on my dream--
my Source of strength,
Everything becomes easier
Then, my world and I,
we dance in harmony...
Stay strong and have faith.
That's my mantra for today. And maybe for the rest of my life.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Let Go and Let God
If God did not give me the eyes to see what I cannot I see, life would not be worth the trip.
Long ago, I decided to abandon the idea of religion. It just could not exist in the world my heart wished to live in.
Soon after this decision was made,
my spirit suffered, my voice harmed, and my relationships crumbled.
My questions were left hanging.
The answers I was given were always open ended.
Nothing to fall on.
Nothing to live by.
Nothing to believe in.
No purpose to fulfill.
Nothing was worth it.
Why would it be?
If God doesn't exist, why are we all here?
By accident?
I use to think that not having a religious faith would grant me freedom to believe in whatever the hell I wanted thus making me a more powerful/ stronger/ well rounded/ wiser person.
But why and how did my decision back fire?
Not only was I weak, I felt vulnerable and useless, wandering in circles, pointless battles, ridiculous defeats. I was screaming and fighting angrily, but no one listened. "Wise" was probably the last word I would use to describe myself.
Tough times ended..and I felt like I just walked out of hell burnt and wounded.
Through that experience, I've learned that...
Faith is not walking off the cliff blind folded.
Faith requires every ounce of wisdom and knowledge that this world can offer.
Without what's seen, we would not know what's left unseen. And what's left unseen is our choice to see.
Faith is a choice made through God's convictions.
Our human minds think it's impossible to believe in this "God" thing.
And it IS impossible for us, but God's here to give us a hand.
Faith is not jumping over a cliff to get to the other side.
All you need to do is to grab a hold of God's hand.
Faith begins with the smallest bit of acceptance to what God has to offer.
We want freedom and freedom is already here. It has always been and will be here.
Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commanded for.
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
Long ago, I decided to abandon the idea of religion. It just could not exist in the world my heart wished to live in.
Soon after this decision was made,
my spirit suffered, my voice harmed, and my relationships crumbled.
My questions were left hanging.
The answers I was given were always open ended.
Nothing to fall on.
Nothing to live by.
Nothing to believe in.
No purpose to fulfill.
Nothing was worth it.
Why would it be?
If God doesn't exist, why are we all here?
By accident?
I use to think that not having a religious faith would grant me freedom to believe in whatever the hell I wanted thus making me a more powerful/ stronger/ well rounded/ wiser person.
But why and how did my decision back fire?
Not only was I weak, I felt vulnerable and useless, wandering in circles, pointless battles, ridiculous defeats. I was screaming and fighting angrily, but no one listened. "Wise" was probably the last word I would use to describe myself.
Tough times ended..and I felt like I just walked out of hell burnt and wounded.
Through that experience, I've learned that...
Faith is not walking off the cliff blind folded.
Faith requires every ounce of wisdom and knowledge that this world can offer.
Without what's seen, we would not know what's left unseen. And what's left unseen is our choice to see.
Faith is a choice made through God's convictions.
Our human minds think it's impossible to believe in this "God" thing.
And it IS impossible for us, but God's here to give us a hand.
Faith is not jumping over a cliff to get to the other side.
All you need to do is to grab a hold of God's hand.
Faith begins with the smallest bit of acceptance to what God has to offer.
We want freedom and freedom is already here. It has always been and will be here.
Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commanded for.
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Perfection in You
A week ago, Alec and I went to Tettegouche State Park .
Being there took my breath away. How amazing is God's creation?
As I sat on the huge rocks by the shore line looking out to the gigantic Lake Superior, I thought to myself...
How can something this complicated look so simple?
The waves,
the birds in the sky,
the rocks,
the sun and the stars,
the winds and the clouds...
How do they know where to crash?
Where to fly? Where to skip?
When to rise and set? Where to shine?
Where to blow? Where to move?
They look different each day.
But they've stayed the same--
They exist;
And follow where they're lead.
Who do they follow?
Who told them what to do?
Who created them?
And made their existence so intricately important?
Both complicatedly and simply beautiful?
Psalm 104:27-33
When you give it to them,
they gather it up;
When you open your hand,
they are satisfied with good things.
When you hide your face,
they are terrified;
When you take away their breath,
they die and return to dust.
When you send your Spirit,
they are created,
and YOU renew the face of the earth.
May the glory of the Lord endure forever,
May the Lord rejoice in his works--
he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,
who touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Amen!
Being there took my breath away. How amazing is God's creation?
As I sat on the huge rocks by the shore line looking out to the gigantic Lake Superior, I thought to myself...
How can something this complicated look so simple?
The waves,
the birds in the sky,
the rocks,
the sun and the stars,
the winds and the clouds...
How do they know where to crash?
Where to fly? Where to skip?
When to rise and set? Where to shine?
Where to blow? Where to move?
They look different each day.
But they've stayed the same--
They exist;
And follow where they're lead.
Who do they follow?
Who told them what to do?
Who created them?
And made their existence so intricately important?
Both complicatedly and simply beautiful?
Psalm 104:27-33
When you give it to them,
they gather it up;
When you open your hand,
they are satisfied with good things.
When you hide your face,
they are terrified;
When you take away their breath,
they die and return to dust.
When you send your Spirit,
they are created,
and YOU renew the face of the earth.
May the glory of the Lord endure forever,
May the Lord rejoice in his works--
he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,
who touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
Amen!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Teaching
This was yesterday morning. But I was wayy tooo exhausted to make an entry yesterday.
I've been teaching for a little more than a year now, and am just starting to understand what it means to be a responsible teacher.
Growing up, I've encountered many different types of teachers.
1. The unmotivated monotone ones (there were alot of these)
2. The angry ones with many rattan sticks
3. The lazy "flexible" ones
4. The crazy ones
5. The nervous ones
6. The mood-swingy ones
7. The high blood pressure ones
8. The creepy sexual predator ones
9. and etc....
Despite the numerous teachers I've had in life, there's only been 2 that I can honestly say have taught me well. (Pretty disappointing. But hey, two's better than none!) When I reflect on their impact in my life, I see that they have taught me more than what their subjects have to offer.
They taught me how to survive beyond the classroom or studio environment. They've tried me through mock real world situations in class. They saw my skills and showed me ways to use it without spoon-feeding or abusing my brain to shreds.
Being a good teacher is being imaginative for the students' sakes. It's about creating a safe environment for the students to feel open to learning. Creating a safe environment does not mean spoiling the child. It just means that you make yourself available for the child.
A good teacher must be sensitive to the child's behavior. Attentive to his or her verbal and nonverbal communicators. Listening with a kind and generous but not weak heart.
Being a teacher is about staying true to your own rules. The most affective way of teaching comes through actions. The teacher must stay strong, and must never waver to the child's weaknesses. If you do, you are giving the child an excuse to stay weak. You are not giving him or her the tools to combat their weaknesses. The tools are already in them. And your job is to guide them to those tools. As much as you have faith in your teaching strengths, you must have faith in the student's learning capabilities as well.
If anyone else have any word on teaching, please do share. I am completely open to hear suggestions and other interesting ways of teaching!
My last words on teaching (for now):
We're all constantly learning. We don't ever stop till we leave this place.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
A Legacy Fulfilled
One of the world's greatest artists has just passed away this last Sunday (10.10.10)
Yes, all the great opera giants of our past century are slowly leaving us.
My role models. Strangers that have left such a huge impact in me. Their sublime voices have been heard all over the world and will be remembered.
As much as my heart mourns for her death, her life deserves to be celebrated.
Her voice and her existence on earth has given wings to bel canto singing.
She has made it possible, she has set the bar. She's inspired artists of different generations all over the world. If she can do it, I can do it too. Anyone can do it. Learn from the best. To me, Sutherland is one of the best.
She has fulfilled her calling. And now her music shall live on in a young heart. A young heart that's pounding with excitement for the fulfillment of another generation's legacy. It is bound to be fulfilled and it shall be.
Thank you Dame Joan Sutherland for making this path possible.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Anxiety, Begone!
Some of you may know that I am in the process of attaining my green card. Recently, the Homeland Security kindly provided me a work permit. (another step closer to that green card...I can smell it!)
On the side note: Did you know that the green card is no longer green in color?
Ever since I've gotten my work permit, my level of anxiety has increased. My voice teacher once said that "being responsible gives you freedom". It is true the other way around as well.
Having freedom makes you responsible.
When the permit arrived, I was thrilled. I finally get to work and pay off my bills and get more training. Within 5 minutes, I became anxious and worried.
I have worked for hours and hours, probably more than I should have in college. But those student jobs were given to me in a safe environment.
I don't know what it's like to have a job in the real world. Sure I've worked as a music teacher and sang for different churches and in an opera company. But a real world job--unrelated to school or music, no..never.
I can no longer use the "oh, I can't work coz I'm an international student" excuse anymore. I actually have to go out there and find a job now. From now on, I have the freedom and the power to decide for myself...and I am responsible for my own decisions. Nothing is stopping me at this point.
Is it weird that freedom makes me nervous? I thought it was weird. So weird that I've been praying and meditating about it all week.
Today, I read in a very special book known as the Bible that I should
"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again rejoice...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Yes, it's just that simple.
Do I believe that I can get a job? Yes.
Do I believe that there's a God who makes all things possible? Yes.
Do I believe in miracles? Yes.
Do I believe that I will be provided everything that I need to fulfill my calling? Yes.
So, the answer to all my questions and requests is simply Yes.
Yes, I believe in an extraordinary life. Anything can happen when you have faith.
On the side note: Did you know that the green card is no longer green in color?
Ever since I've gotten my work permit, my level of anxiety has increased. My voice teacher once said that "being responsible gives you freedom". It is true the other way around as well.
Having freedom makes you responsible.
When the permit arrived, I was thrilled. I finally get to work and pay off my bills and get more training. Within 5 minutes, I became anxious and worried.
I have worked for hours and hours, probably more than I should have in college. But those student jobs were given to me in a safe environment.
I don't know what it's like to have a job in the real world. Sure I've worked as a music teacher and sang for different churches and in an opera company. But a real world job--unrelated to school or music, no..never.
I can no longer use the "oh, I can't work coz I'm an international student" excuse anymore. I actually have to go out there and find a job now. From now on, I have the freedom and the power to decide for myself...and I am responsible for my own decisions. Nothing is stopping me at this point.
Is it weird that freedom makes me nervous? I thought it was weird. So weird that I've been praying and meditating about it all week.
Today, I read in a very special book known as the Bible that I should
"Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again rejoice...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Yes, it's just that simple.
Do I believe that I can get a job? Yes.
Do I believe that there's a God who makes all things possible? Yes.
Do I believe in miracles? Yes.
Do I believe that I will be provided everything that I need to fulfill my calling? Yes.
So, the answer to all my questions and requests is simply Yes.
Yes, I believe in an extraordinary life. Anything can happen when you have faith.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Welcome
This is my second trial in keeping up with a blog. Due to personal reasons, I lost interest in following through my first blog.
Now that we're in a new year, I'm starting fresh with my words.
I've decided "Poco un Poco"--"Little by little" would be a good title for this blog. Why? Well, it's the mantra I've been learning to follow lately. Little by little. One step at a time. Easy does it.
It grants me hope, comfort, patience and forgiveness for the future. Many times, I'd just be tempted to shake my finger at myself and say "shame on you" for all sorts of things that I've done and could not do throughout my life: For the time when I had that break down in the hotel the night before the Met audition. The time I've gotten sick with H1N1. The many many times when I could not write college papers. All the times when I've won second place. The time when I could not obey my parents. And the multiple times when I could not hold my temper.
A huge part of my childhood and teenage years have been dedicated to the things that I thought I've failed.
Note: I said "I thought."
Looking back, I know I did not fail one bit. All the experiences that I've lived through have brought me and mold me into who I am today.
We all have weaknesses. We are all made imperfect, but we have been given the will to live a good life.
Looking back helps me become more familiar with who I am. I am beginning to identify why I did what I did and could not do what I did not. They are not failures because they are what I am made of.
Weaknesses are there to help you strive for a better life.
They may bring you down to the "ugh" feeling, but that's not what it's all about. Mercifully, we are given the freedom to choose what we want to do with that feeling.
Continue "ugh=ing" or forgive yourself and move on to a better place than "ugh".
You may not find yourself conquering Mount Everest in a blink of a moving-on decision...but you will be taking another step closer to a better life. Each tiny step deserves an egg-roll party and a toast. And the more you look forward to these little celebrations, the easier your step to the peak will become. The more you focus on what you think are "failures" the more tired you'll become and you'll never live to see your Mount Everest.
And that's what this blog is all about--
Every little steps that I'll be taking to conquer my Mount Everest. I am done piling up crummy dusty moldy old baggage in my life. It's time to see all the great little gifts God has wonderfully placed in my life to help make my journey to Mount Everest as smooth as butta.
Now that we're in a new year, I'm starting fresh with my words.
I've decided "Poco un Poco"--"Little by little" would be a good title for this blog. Why? Well, it's the mantra I've been learning to follow lately. Little by little. One step at a time. Easy does it.
It grants me hope, comfort, patience and forgiveness for the future. Many times, I'd just be tempted to shake my finger at myself and say "shame on you" for all sorts of things that I've done and could not do throughout my life: For the time when I had that break down in the hotel the night before the Met audition. The time I've gotten sick with H1N1. The many many times when I could not write college papers. All the times when I've won second place. The time when I could not obey my parents. And the multiple times when I could not hold my temper.
A huge part of my childhood and teenage years have been dedicated to the things that I thought I've failed.
Note: I said "I thought."
Looking back, I know I did not fail one bit. All the experiences that I've lived through have brought me and mold me into who I am today.
We all have weaknesses. We are all made imperfect, but we have been given the will to live a good life.
Looking back helps me become more familiar with who I am. I am beginning to identify why I did what I did and could not do what I did not. They are not failures because they are what I am made of.
Weaknesses are there to help you strive for a better life.
They may bring you down to the "ugh" feeling, but that's not what it's all about. Mercifully, we are given the freedom to choose what we want to do with that feeling.
Continue "ugh=ing" or forgive yourself and move on to a better place than "ugh".
You may not find yourself conquering Mount Everest in a blink of a moving-on decision...but you will be taking another step closer to a better life. Each tiny step deserves an egg-roll party and a toast. And the more you look forward to these little celebrations, the easier your step to the peak will become. The more you focus on what you think are "failures" the more tired you'll become and you'll never live to see your Mount Everest.
And that's what this blog is all about--
Every little steps that I'll be taking to conquer my Mount Everest. I am done piling up crummy dusty moldy old baggage in my life. It's time to see all the great little gifts God has wonderfully placed in my life to help make my journey to Mount Everest as smooth as butta.
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