We all love you

"We all love you."

"I know..." (lies)

Alright, why did that "love" statement made me feel so awkward?
At times like this, it's hard to remember that there is so much love around me.

This week, I feel like a complete failure. Being the overachiever perfectionist that I am, I cannot bear the fact that I have not achieved anything in my singing ever since I've graduated from college.

With lips pursed, I ran through my list of self-help mantras.
"Easy does it." (uh-huh...)
"You know what you're doing." (No..not really)
"You're a wonderful singer." (hmmm...ok)
"You're doing all the right things." (Yea, not really workin')

Uff...currently, life feels tough. I knew singing great takes an awful lot of years of training. But going through those years with no sort of positive reinforcement depresses me.

In the Asian culture, typically for the Chinese, we strive for reinforcements to assure us of our "right-ness". (Oh, I can already hear Audrey yapping at me)
When you do it right, you get money, prizes, parties, praises, etc..
When you don't get money, prizes, parties or praises, I can almost guarantee, you've done something wrong.

So, alright, I may have done somethings...many things wrong. And I'm currently working my cute lil tush off to fix my mistakes. But really, some weeks are just a drag.
Every action I make frustrates me. Why can't I just do it right already, damnit!?

And to hear,
"We all love you, Evelyn." "You're taking all the right steps."
...it's just a lil' difficult to believe.

Along with the many years of training, great singing requires an awful lot of vulnerability. Learning to put aside your pride, and having the quality of persistence.

Being able to say,
"Yea, I may have no prize to show. But I have a talent that grows."

Now, nurturing your talents is the true challenge--not the competitions, not the jobs, not the roles. It's about letting your talents grow continuously and persistently.

Reaching the end line does not makes me a winner. What makes me a winner depends on how I get there.