There is No Fear in Love

Part of the reason I dedicated the previous post to the word "fear"
is because there is fear in me.
I cannot even begin to tell you how afraid I am to go on that stage in Ordway this Saturday.
I wet myself every time I think about it.
This morning, I had a wonderful conversation with Pa and Ma.
I described to them
the dialogues that have been going on in my head...
How they have been dragging me down.
We came to realize that I've forgotten
how much I love to sing.
How can I forget something so simple?

When I forget,
I revert back to fear.
Fear becomes an excuse,
because in this world,
it's easier to fear.
It's not that I want to fear,
it's just
Easier to be the victim,
easier to not have to decide,
and easier to give over your power
to that person, or that teacher,
or that lover, or that accompanist
or that friend...etc.

Well, guess what?
It's my life.
Live now or never.
No one else living my life
but myself.
You know what I mean?
Then, Pa said something
something so powerful I'm blogging about it.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

You know how people talk about gifts and talents?
That's what singing is to me.
It literally is a gift from God.
In my Freshman year of college,
I auditioned for choir
without any knowledge that I can sing.
Then, God gave me a scholarship
to lead me to become a singer.
In Sophomore year of college,
I was molested by my piano teacher,
Just when I lost all joy in Music,
He sent me a talented and most loving voice teacher.
Junior year, I had a successful recital,
I got into the final round for S. Club.
Senior year, He gave me a full ride scholarship.

Fear=Punishment?
It's true.
When we fear,
I feel like I don't deserve anything good.
Bad things always happen,
and life becomes too tough to handle.
Disappointments, regrets, failures
We constantly punish ourselves in fear.

Despite the many times I forgot His love for me,
I continued singing,
He guided me through the muck in my life
while I complained and whined about how difficult life is.
And life can be tough,
But in His perfect Love,
there is no need to fear life.
He's made us to live
and has given us free will--
the choice to live
and the choice to love Him
because He loves us.