Loving the Weather

Update on the man-boy: He has not forgiven me quite yet. In fact, he's decided to ignore me, which is just fine with me.

Despite negative people, there's so much to be grateful for in life. This week, I've decided to go about life differently. My goal was to consciously push aside all that is negative and only welcome all that is positive.

There had been so much to life that I've missed out for being a pessimistic person. I have rejected many opportunities to live life to the fullest because I have feared and worried about the many bad things that could possibly happen to me.

I constantly test everything and everyone that is positive. My husband, my family, my best friends, my mentors, and myself. I test my own instincts. HAH! What kind of fool am I?

Many moments have been wasted because of this.

And now, I am making a conscious decision to change.

I'm making this decision because I want to. I want so badly to enjoy every moment in my life. There's enough horror to life, it is a waste to make it worse than it already is.

Just an hour ago, I looked out my window and spot a homeless man digging through the trash bins down the alley. It made me sad.
I caught myself seeing through the negative lens which I then consciously told myself not to.
When I looked at the homeless man again, he looked happy with the things he found. There were actually a few findings that looked decent. Good for him!

Dear Homeless Man,
I am so glad you are doing something with your life. People may pity you at first look. But really, there's nothing to pity about. As I watched you digging through trash, you were having fun and you seemed to cherish more things in life in comparison to many others. May God bless you in your journey and may you continue to only do and find things that make life fulfilling and worth living for.

If You Would Just Stop Bitching

Yesterday, I had a rough start at work. I walked into work at 5:30PM and right away I had to start seating customers.
There were two that came in who really wanted a booth. I looked at the seating chart and said "Yes, looks like we have a booth available." I sat them only to realize that the server for that section was still taking his time eating his dinner.

So I asked another server--"the bitch" if he could serve that booth.
He looked at me and said "NO" to my face.
"Are you serious?"
"Yea, I don't want to take a table that's been sitting there for 10 minutes without a server. They're not gonna tip me!"
"They've only been there for 5, and your section's the closest one to the booth"
"NO!"
Dumb man-boy.
Luckily, we had a sane and mature lady server who was willing to take that booth.
I thanked her and was about to walk out the kitchen.
And then something held me back.
Something called...
the need to call out on an asshole when he's being an asshole.

I walked back into the kitchen and said
"Man-boy, stop being a bitch."

He did not forgive me for the rest of the night. In fact, he insisted in calling himself a bitch and acting like one to me and everyone else who were on my side until he left the restaurant.

Everything that we did last night seemed to be attacking him.

Everything we said, he took it personally as a form of insult.

If you would just stop bitching, the world would probably start working out for you.
If you would stop blaming others for your misfortunes, you'd probably find a partner who'd love and respect you.
If you would just stop whining, you'd probably start doing greater things in life.

If you'd just stop bitching...

But you won't. Until you choose to grow up, man-boy!


Lessons and morals of the story:
1)It is so good to stand up for myself.
2)If you don't mind being a bitch to others, you should not mind when others are being bitches to you.
3)Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Thus Begins My Journey to Coloratura-hood

After so many blog entries, you'd think I would have learned my lesson NOT to enter a title before my post. Many posts didn't make it because some did not match the title, and some I lost interest in blogging about.
But that's me--I conclude quickly. Not an ounce of patience. Very stubborn and always convinced that my conclusions are right and true.
This title is and will be what I shall blog about today.
It takes a while to redirect my opinions, and many challenges and arguments to change my mind about a certain many things.
5 years ago, if you were to tell me that I'd be sitting by my piano someday, working through coloratura passages of roles like Zerbinetta, Adele, Juliette, Oscar, etc.. I would have said to you,
"You're shitting me"
I would have also offensively cried out that
"I have a dark voice, and a passion for the dark dramatic lyric soprano rep. I am not some dumb coloratura silly calculative soprano. I can barely reach high A."...

5 years later, here I am...reaching F's above high C. Crouching over my piano...Somewhat very angrily, somewhat happily, somewhat tearfully, somewhat cheerfully, somewhat very fearfully, somewhat very uncertainly working on Zerbinetta's aria, Juliette's Je veux vivre, Adele's Mein herr Marquis, and Oscar's Volta la terre...

Despite all of these drama, I found out that the process isn't half as bad.
I have a huge infatuation for the lyric soprano melodies, but my voice is not happy in it. The voice despised me for titling it "lyric soprano" and rebelled. It became angry and I became angry too. We were just not getting along...
Now, I'm finally listening to what my voice needs. It doesn't want to be ignored. The voice wants to be used to it's fullest capacity. And who knows? I may find more in common with coloratura characters than I think.

Titles change all the time.

I'm not gonna lie about how afraid I am...(I am kinda a wuss to begin with).
But there's a reason why people say
"If the shoe fits, wear it."

Thus begins my walk in my coloratura heels.

Friends

It's snowing again. Why Minnesota? Why? It's March! It is time for Spring. Let us have some fun in the sun...

But alas, I am and have been in Minnesota for 8 years. Complaining about snow here is like complaining about needing to go to the bathroom after chugging down 6 glasses of water in one sitting.

Despite the snow, I actually had a wonder-filled Sunday. This afternoon, I had the chance to sing with 11 very talented young singers in an opera workshop. And then, I sang in a rehearsal for a benefit concert next Sunday. And then, I went out for dinner with two wonderful sopranos who also happen to be two of my most beloved girl friends.

Dinner turned into a 4 hours conversation. Somewhere in between all of those important and not so important conversation topics, it became clear to me how fortunate I am to have these two good and trustworthy friends. Friends that you can share everything with. Friends that you can count on. Friends that will love you no matter what.

You see, I've always had a hard time cherishing friendships growing up. I've always been a very strong willed, jealous, competitive, sensitive, self conscious, opinionated or judgmental, stubborn and out there personality. And let's not forget to include the artists temperament on top of that whole she-bang. YES, it's been very difficult for me to cultivate and develop a genuine friendship ever since I can remember.

Not till recently, I'd never known how liberating it can be to have a real friend. To completely trust the person on the other side of the line. To laugh, cry, hug, joke and giggle, to protect and be protected, to comfort and be comforted, to show your ugly-ful as well as your beauty-ful side...The phrase "I got you're back" actually means "I will be here to catch you when you fall no matter what."

Then I thought, "Wow, it took 2 decades of my life to finally find a friend."
It really isn't that surprising after all. Life is currently taking a turn.
I am just beginning to let my hair down and learn not to micromanage all parts of my life.
Can it be that I've been micro managing my relationships this entire time?

I have not loved life for what it is.
I have not loved people for who they are.
I have not loved my friends.
I have not loved myself.

So much to learn and a lot more life to live.
I'm just lucky to have friends who have decided to love me way before I did.
Thank you, friends. Yeah, you! Thank you...

Audition Tomorrow

Perfection is...unattainable.
At this point, all I can do is to sing for my own happiness.

Sing because I love music.

Nails are done.
Sang with my heels on.
I have an idea of how I want my hair to be.
I know what outfit I'll be wearing.
Audition time 1:08PM
Warm up time 11:00AM

Now, all I got to do is sing.
No more practicing.
Time to hum that pretty little tune.
Time to appreciate who I am.
Time to pamper myself for all the hard work I've put in.

Just go in there and LOVE my time singing.