My moment

I had an "Oh, there she goes again" moment today.

During my voice lesson, a wonderful tenor who also studies with Audrey sat in for my lesson to help me out with my French.
I am working on the hardest piece EVER.
The Doll Song.
Uhmm...yes, THE Doll Song. It is the Mount Everest for most coloratura sopranos.
To me, singing this piece is like climbing Mount Everest without knowing what a mountain is. I feel like I have just been hiking on hills these last few years.
And somehow began climbing my way up...a MOUNT!

Anyways, this wonderful tenor is fluent in French and God knows I have some work cut out for him. We were chipping away through my pronunciation errors.
Wood shedding here.
Wood shedding there.
It was then that I realize...uh-oh, Evelyn is having her control freak out attack!

If you don't know what that means or feels like, allow me to explain.
Control freak out attack is when you are trying to control and hold on to every single error you can find about anything and everything. But for some reason, you're not able to control anything and everything. On top of that, the errors somehow become worse everytime you try to correct them.
And then, everything becomes tense and you begin sloping down. It's like running up a descending escalator. Some people recognize it as a "stuck" motion or getting cornered in your own home.

Knowing that I was beginning to slide down or fall off the wagon or whatever, I decided to keep my head up. There was no slope and I was secure on that wagon or whatever. (Yay, positive thinking!)

Everything became effortless once more. The sun was out, and beauty was in the air.

And then, I couldn't help it. Because having Evelyns pity party moment is more familiar, easier, less mental work.

And I immediately rolled back down and fell hard on my ass...my computer did not crash, it exploded.

At this point, you might like to stop reading this entry and conclude that I am just a crazy artist--Doomed for life.

There is a slight chance you're right. But if I may, I'd like to suggest that today was a successful day. I did more right than wrong. Normally, I'd just do a horrible job in everything purposefully and give up on myself during days like this. You mind as well feed me to the lions or push me off a cliff.

But I didn't allow that. I had more than 1 successful moment today despite my negativity.
I somehow was able to talk myself into having fun. It was hard work and it took longer than I would have liked to get there. And I left fun a little too soon. But I did get there.

All I need to do now is to do the same thing a few more times for the rest of my life. I'm sure it'll eventually become easier. :)



Patience and kindness is key. Success awaits...