Positive Toughts

The need and urgency of positive thinking for one who was born a pessimist is utterly important.
I am an awfully negative person. Always self sabotaging. As Audrey describes this syndrome--I am the first in line to throw tomatoes at myself.

I never once think that I am good enough. I find it ridiculous that one can ever think in such perfect and satisfying ways of herself.

Having positive thoughts about myself has been the toughest challenge as an artist. I think all artists who sincerely care for their art will agree with me. You spend all night dreaming, practicing, and living in your art. You can't help but to want to make it the best out there. Yes, we are all perfectionists.

Somewhere along the line, you must acknowledge the hardwork you've invested in your art. You must realize that you are not perfect and not everyone will love what you do after all. And it's alright...

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. So am I. I am entitled to my own opinions.

The fact is, in my life, my opinions matter the most. I write my own script.

So why let negative things in life bog me down? They don't matter if I don't believe in them.

I believe in creating art to make this world a better place. I believe I can be the best out there. I believe I was born to do this. I believe that opera is worth saving. I believe in making the best out of my talents.

What I believe matters the most.

The more I learn to do this, the bigger my world becomes. I know so little. Ironically, I find that comforting. It is good to learn that you will never stop learning.

There is no limit to life.

It's Over

I'm so sad that it's over.
Opera Workshop. I was having such a blast.
Kind of reminds me of how it feels like at the end of vacations.

It was so nice to find myself in my music during those workshop weeks.
I looked forward to Tuesday and Thursday every week.
We were having so much fun we didn't want it to end.

And now, it's all over. I don't know what to do with my Tuesday and Thursday evenings.
Well, I do but it's no fun.

Work. Work. Work.

Endless work. When can I begin to have a fun singing career?

Opera Workshop Final Night

Time: 6:30PM-8:30PM
Date: 7/28/2011
Location: 711 West Lake Street, Suite 214, Minneapolis

Short notice but please do come!

You will hear and see great work in progress at 711 tonight!

Choirs Gone Wrong

Nothing I hate more than listening to adult choirs singing like the Vienna Boys Choir.

Nothing I despise more than choir directors forcing their choirs to sing without vibrato.

It just doesn't work.

No vibrato=
No passion
Not genuine
Not natural
Painful to sing
Painful to hear

Unfortunately, 99% of our adult choirs these days are expected to sing like innocent lil' angels that have yet gone through puberty.

Our world is in denial of what is natural.

On the side note, there's a fruit fly buzzing around me and I just can't catch that lil' pest!

Annoyed.

Never Fold Too Soon

Audition later this afternoon.

My mantra today is "Do not fold too soon". Whatever happens, sing joyfully. Don't judge the situation till it happens. Nothing worse than worrying over milk that has not been spilled.

New background. Like it?
I was getting bored with the previous template, so I decided to try something new.

Sinatra on a Sunday afternoon

Watching Sinatra at Carnegie Hall. What a treat!
Is it wrong that I feel like a glass of wine on a beautiful Sunday afternoon with Sinatra in the background?

...No, it is not wrong at all.

I'll fly with you, Mr. Sinatra!

My moment

I had an "Oh, there she goes again" moment today.

During my voice lesson, a wonderful tenor who also studies with Audrey sat in for my lesson to help me out with my French.
I am working on the hardest piece EVER.
The Doll Song.
Uhmm...yes, THE Doll Song. It is the Mount Everest for most coloratura sopranos.
To me, singing this piece is like climbing Mount Everest without knowing what a mountain is. I feel like I have just been hiking on hills these last few years.
And somehow began climbing my way up...a MOUNT!

Anyways, this wonderful tenor is fluent in French and God knows I have some work cut out for him. We were chipping away through my pronunciation errors.
Wood shedding here.
Wood shedding there.
It was then that I realize...uh-oh, Evelyn is having her control freak out attack!

If you don't know what that means or feels like, allow me to explain.
Control freak out attack is when you are trying to control and hold on to every single error you can find about anything and everything. But for some reason, you're not able to control anything and everything. On top of that, the errors somehow become worse everytime you try to correct them.
And then, everything becomes tense and you begin sloping down. It's like running up a descending escalator. Some people recognize it as a "stuck" motion or getting cornered in your own home.

Knowing that I was beginning to slide down or fall off the wagon or whatever, I decided to keep my head up. There was no slope and I was secure on that wagon or whatever. (Yay, positive thinking!)

Everything became effortless once more. The sun was out, and beauty was in the air.

And then, I couldn't help it. Because having Evelyns pity party moment is more familiar, easier, less mental work.

And I immediately rolled back down and fell hard on my ass...my computer did not crash, it exploded.

At this point, you might like to stop reading this entry and conclude that I am just a crazy artist--Doomed for life.

There is a slight chance you're right. But if I may, I'd like to suggest that today was a successful day. I did more right than wrong. Normally, I'd just do a horrible job in everything purposefully and give up on myself during days like this. You mind as well feed me to the lions or push me off a cliff.

But I didn't allow that. I had more than 1 successful moment today despite my negativity.
I somehow was able to talk myself into having fun. It was hard work and it took longer than I would have liked to get there. And I left fun a little too soon. But I did get there.

All I need to do now is to do the same thing a few more times for the rest of my life. I'm sure it'll eventually become easier. :)



Patience and kindness is key. Success awaits...